Today is not at all what I expected. I expected today to be filled with excitement and anticipation. Instead, I have met today with puffy, tear stained eyes and the feeling of trying to just put one foot in front of the other. I had my bags packed and the house was clean so I would be ready to go see Zach. I was going to get on a plane tonight so that I could be with him this weekend. Those plans came to a screeching halt last night when I opened the mailbox to find a letter from Zach. I knew something was up the second I saw that little white envelope with the familiar handwriting of my loved one scrawled across the front of it. Normally I would be thrilled to receive a letter, but with my visit literally just 24 hours around the corner I knew it probably wasn't good news. It was a very short letter that basically said his entire platoon had their liberty taken away and I would need to cancel my plans to come and see him.
UGH!!! Completely crushed!
At this point I don't even know if I will be able to talk to him this weekend. I called my mom first to cry, because everyone needs to cry to their mommy when they feel their world spinning out of control. Next, I went to my neighbor. You know you have a great friend when they can cry for you even when it's hard for them to understand what you're going through. My neighbor has a beautiful, 7 week old daughter (I've been practicing my mommy skills when I can). There is nothing more comforting than holding a fresh baby that looks at you and smiles and snuggles deep into your neck. I cannot wait until I can hold my own child. Then, I just cuddled with Diesel (my dog child) the rest of the night.
This morning my packed bag was mocking me. I went to get in the shower to try and wash away the sadness, but when I stepped into the bathroom the neatly packed travel toiletries were sitting on the counter mocking me even more.
I know we can do this. We're both very strong (read: stubborn) people. We have 20 days left. That still sounds like a long time, but not when you consider we started with 70 days! I think my hormones are starting to get the best of me.