Today is not at all what I expected. I expected today to be filled with excitement and anticipation. Instead, I have met today with puffy, tear stained eyes and the feeling of trying to just put one foot in front of the other. I had my bags packed and the house was clean so I would be ready to go see Zach. I was going to get on a plane tonight so that I could be with him this weekend. Those plans came to a screeching halt last night when I opened the mailbox to find a letter from Zach. I knew something was up the second I saw that little white envelope with the familiar handwriting of my loved one scrawled across the front of it. Normally I would be thrilled to receive a letter, but with my visit literally just 24 hours around the corner I knew it probably wasn't good news. It was a very short letter that basically said his entire platoon had their liberty taken away and I would need to cancel my plans to come and see him.
UGH!!! Completely crushed!
At this point I don't even know if I will be able to talk to him this weekend. I called my mom first to cry, because everyone needs to cry to their mommy when they feel their world spinning out of control. Next, I went to my neighbor. You know you have a great friend when they can cry for you even when it's hard for them to understand what you're going through. My neighbor has a beautiful, 7 week old daughter (I've been practicing my mommy skills when I can). There is nothing more comforting than holding a fresh baby that looks at you and smiles and snuggles deep into your neck. I cannot wait until I can hold my own child. Then, I just cuddled with Diesel (my dog child) the rest of the night.
This morning my packed bag was mocking me. I went to get in the shower to try and wash away the sadness, but when I stepped into the bathroom the neatly packed travel toiletries were sitting on the counter mocking me even more.
I know we can do this. We're both very strong (read: stubborn) people. We have 20 days left. That still sounds like a long time, but not when you consider we started with 70 days! I think my hormones are starting to get the best of me.
2 comments:
Oh Jennifer, I feel your pain! The military can be so cruel to families sometimes. I was fortunate that Bill was in and knew the routine when we met and started dating. I learned pretty early that in order to survive I had to adopt Bill's motto, "Maximum Flexibility". I always had a suspicion that the tough times and disappointments that we wives had to endure were the very things that made us strong and competent. Our husbands had to endure them for much more serious preparation. So, we count our blessings and know that they are making the real sacrifices for us. You did just the right thing by calling your mom and your friend. How nice that you had a sweet baby to snuggle! You'll get through this!
Hang in there! You can do this. The end is almost here! You will make it. And we will all celebrate together at the end!!!
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